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.Its yellow glow barely illuminating a small section, but I would remember my way around this room with my eyes closed.I have so many good memories of this place.Boxes and crates cast shadows along the walls and I almost miss Benji.He’s seated on the floor, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.As quietly as I can, I slowly approach his still form.Stopping in front of him, my tongue suddenly ties itself into a knot and I’m just staring at him like a creepy stalker.But oh, my God, he is so peaceful and…gorgeous.There’s no malice or fear evident in his features.His face is smooth, relaxed, and absolutely perfect.If I hadn’t watched him come back here a moment ago, I would think he was sleeping.Not sure how to go about this, I lower myself so I’m eye level with him, but make sure to give him a couple feet of space.I don’t care that he has a girlfriend living with him—if that’s what she is.He was my best friend for as long as I can remember.I want that back.I want to meet this girl and try to be happy for him.I want to be part of his life.If he can’t do that for me after all of our years of friendship, then he at least owes me a reason.I reach out, and although I want to touch his face, I gently brush my fingers over the back of his hand.His eyes fly open and we’re staring at each other.I’m completely lost in his eyes, all the feelings I’ve tried to push down come roaring to the surface.My stomach muscles tighten.I count my racing heartbeats.I get to four before he’s pushing himself to his feet.I do the same, but block his retreat as he attempts to move around me.He freezes, breathing hard, causing his chest to rise and fall quickly.“Why are you afraid of me?” I whisper, unable to mask the hurt in my voice.Something—some kind of emotion—passes over his face and he closes his eyes.“I’m not afraid of you.” He blinks and runs his tongue over his lips.“You’re not supposed to be in here.”“I know.I’ll leave.”His entire body sags in relief and I feel my eyebrows draw together.Out of everything, I think this hurts the most.How can he be so appeased by my promise to leave? “After,” I add, “you tell me why you refuse to see me.” I swallow the lump in my throat.“Why do you hate me, Benji?”What could I have possibly done to cause him to look at me this way?He pinches his eyes shut, cutting off any clue to what he’s thinking.He opens his mouth and I think he’s actually going to confess, to finally explain his actions to me.But he turns his head and yells.“Jaxon, get her out of here, please.”I jump as his voice fills the space between us.Jaxon stumbles past the boxes at the door and I scowl at him.“Don’t bother,” I say.“I’m going.” After two steps I spin around.Benji flinches.“I’m sorry.For whatever I did.You were my best friend.I missed you every single day.I don’t…understand…” Tears fill my eyes and that’s my cue to leave.Even though I want to run, and even though I want to cry more, I do neither.Payton stands outside the door, her hands knotted in her shirt.I blink rapidly as I brush past her.“Jax,” Payton murmurs.“Help her with the bags and get her home.” She steps forward and places her hand on my arm.“I’m sorry, Briar.”I pause, feeling a shudder run through me.She’s sorry.For what? I wish someone would explain what the hell is going on because I don’t understand.Jax puts his arm around my shoulder and I allow him to guide me outside, mostly because I need someone to lean on right now.“I’m going to get the bags and I’ll be right back.”I nod.Whatever.I feel like an idiot.Seriously, it’s not the end of the world.Why am I trembling so badly? This is completely ridiculous.No, pathetic is a more fitting word.Fuck this.Fuck Benji.I’ve been perfectly fine without him.I could care less whether he likes me or not.Ugh.I’m a shit liar even when I’m lying to myself.I’m still trying to talk my emotions off the ledge when Jax gets back.He knows better than to talk to me, busying himself instead with tying off the bags and releasing our horses.Terrible thoughts and unanswered questions chase one another around my mind as we head home.It’s driving me crazy.How can someone be your friend for seventeen years and then suddenly hate you? How does that happen? And why does everyone seem to know what is going on except me? Shouldn’t I know? Don’t I deserve to know?I notice movement from the corner of my eye.I bring Kingston to a halt and gasp as I understand what I’m seeing
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