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.‘I can’t see anything from here,’ Bill complained.‘That’s probably for the best,’ said Dave.Over at the bar, Mark kept his head down, but just as the barman was pouring out the third and final pint, one of the women Bill had insulted – the blonde one – gave a little ‘ahem’ to catch his attention.‘Having a nice evening?’ she asked.‘Er, yes, thanks,’ said Mark.The woman adjusted the front of her blouse as though to make sure her cleavage wasn’t showing, with the result that Mark couldn’t help but stare at the expanse of slightly crêpey, bronzed flesh she’d revealed.She’d done it deliberately, of course.Mark snapped his eyes back to the three pints arrayed on the counter.Was she coming on to him? The last thing he wanted was to be set upon by a cougar.He had a feeling he was already in Ronnie’s bad books.Besides, the texture of the blonde woman’s cleavage made him think of a perfectly roasted chicken.‘Is that your dad?’ the woman asked, indicating Dave, who was semaphoring that Mark should get out of there pronto.‘Father-in-law.Well, sort of.I’m not actually married to his daughter, but … You know.We’ve been together a long time.We’ve got two children.’‘Aaaah,’ said the woman.‘You don’t have to explain it to me, love.Nobody gets married first these days, do they? So that’s not your granddad?’‘Bill? No.He’s my partner’s granddad.’‘Lovely man,’ said the woman.‘Really gentlemanly.’Mark wasn’t sure he’d heard right.‘We met him last night,’ the woman continued.‘Will you tell him “hello” from me? My name is Gloria, and this is my friend Lesley.’Mark and Lesley nodded to one another.‘Pleased to meet you,’ Lesley said.‘Yeah,’ said Mark.‘The same.’What was going on? Mark looked to Dave for reassurance.Dave was busy fishing about on the floor for something Bill had dropped.Either that or he was hiding.Mark gathered up the three pints.It was going to be tricky to carry all three at once without spilling anything, but he didn’t want to have to make a second trip.Gloria was scary.It was hard to believe that anything Granddad Bill said could have bothered her overly much.There was something of the shark beneath her rainbow eyeshadow and false lashes.‘I was wondering … Do you mind if we join you?’ Gloria asked.‘Join us?’ Mark squeaked.‘Yes.Come and sit with you and your in-laws.I mean, Lesley and I love each other to bits, but we can’t help getting bored of each other, stuck with no one else to talk to all week.Isn’t that right, Lesley?’Lesley nodded enthusiastically.‘Well,’ said Mark, ‘I — My partner’s grandfather is a bit—’‘—of a card! Oh, we know.That doesn’t matter to us.We like a laugh, don’t we, Lesley?’Lesley nodded again.‘In that case …’ said Mark.What else could he say?Mark suspected having the ladies join them at the table was far from a brilliant idea, but he had no idea how to put them off without sounding rude, and so Gloria and Lesley gathered up their bottle of rosé and two glasses with unseemly haste and followed Mark over to the corner.As he saw all three make their approach, Dave’s eyes widened in horror.Bill, on the other hand, seemed delighted.‘Well, would you look at this,’ he said, regarding the two femmes d’un certain age as though they were supermodels.‘Now I really have won the bleeding lottery.’‘Oh, you’re making us blush,’ said Gloria.‘I’m Gloria.’‘You’re glorious,’ said Bill.She held out her hand to him and he kissed it.Gloria giggled.‘I hope you don’t mind us joining you.I was telling your grandson it gets a bit boring being two single ladies holidaying alone.’‘You’re never single?’ asked Bill.‘To my eternal disappointment,’ said Gloria.Mark gulped down a mouthful of beer before he choked on it.Dave just sat there saying nothing, looking as though he had been hit around the head with a wet fish.‘Which isn’t to say that I haven’t had offers,’ Gloria continued.‘It’s just that a woman in my position has to be careful.I’m sure you know what I mean, Bill.’Bill nodded.He didn’t take his eyes from her cleavage.‘So where are you gentlemen from?’ Lesley asked.‘Coventry,’ said Bill.‘Oh, I don’t know Coventry,’ said Gloria
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