[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.“Do you want to go retrieve it, or should one of us?”I look at them and see that there’s no way they’re gonna let me pretend that this isn’t happening.I stand up and go to the kitchen and stare at the phone.Finally I pick up the receiver and punch in the code.I feel arms around my waist and know that it’s Paul behind me, holding me up.I listen to the message and grab a pencil, write down the number of the doctor and the lab, the time that they want me to come in for another blood draw.They say that they’ll call by noon today to let me know for sure if I need to be retested.I hang up and turn in Paul’s arms, feel the press of Jamie behind me.Surrounded by my boys I can say it.“Hep C.”Gemini - 50Someone starts to shake and we all slide to the floor.No one says anything for a long time.I don’t feel sick.Jamie finally gets up and then Paul.They drag me off the floor and we all go into our room, lay on the bed.At some point they both call in sick to work.I lay there thinking about the last time we all called in sick.Fred was pissed.He knew I wasn’t sick.Paul makes a huge stack of toast and we all eat on the bed, watch TV for a bit.When the phone rings I just about scream.Jamie answers it ‘cause he’s closest.He hands me the receiver.“Think it’s Fred.”“Hey Gent,” I hear.“That Paul? Told you he’d stick close.Where the fuck did you goyesterday? Man was almost out of his mind.”“Bar.”“Yeah, I get that, I guess.They call yet?”“No.”“Call me when they do, ‘kay?” Then he’s gone.I crawl off the bed and go into the bathroom.Didn’t think the toast was going to stay down anyway, what with all the booze in my system.Paul makes more and makes me eat.The next time the phone rings I answer.I listen and write shit down.Make an appointment for me and my boys to get tested.When I hang up they’re staring at me, holding hands.“Made appointments ‘cause we need the reassurance.Too fucking scared not to get tested for everything again.” I walk over to the them and touch their faces.So very much alike, these two.But they are so different.Paul’s blinking too fast and Jamie’s not moving at all.“I’m okay.Really.They transposed some numbers.Not sure if it was a bad test or what, but my blood is clean.They want to retest to make sure, but like I said, we’re all getting tested again.I can work, if I want to.And—”I don’t get any further.Jamie falls back on the bed and starts shaking, curling up into a ball.Paul holds onto him and I fit myself around Paul.We don’t say anything, just lay like that for a long time.I call Fred later and tell him I’m taking the some time off, and that I want to talk to him about going appointment only.Afternoons.Three days a week.Gemini - 51“Can’t live on that, Gent.” He sounds skeptical.“Don’t intend to.Get another job somewhere.Just can’t be working with blood right now.”“You’re damn good at what you do.Think about it, Gent.You take care of yourself, keep working smart, you’re not gonna catch anything.Don’t let this throw you.Most guys ink for years and never get a positive for anything.”“Yeah.I know.Just give me some time to work this out, okay?”Fred finally just gives in.“See you in a couple days.And we’ll talk about it then.”Jamie and Paul spend a lot of time talking to me about why I don’t want to ink.I try to make them understand that just because it turned out okay this time doesn’t mean that there won’t be a next time.That the thought of anything hurting them because of what I do makes me ill.That I would rather work at a job I hate than put them in any danger.Paul doesn’t like it.“You love what you do.You’re good at it.”“Yeah.But – ““Fuck this, Gent.I can die walking to work.Hell, I work at City Hall.You know how many disgruntled city employees there are? Stop being stupid and think.”I look at the floor.Jamie gets down in front of me, hands on my knees.“Gent.”I look into his eyes and all I can see is trust.And that just blows me away after last night.“You take every precaution there is, right? You’re careful.You’re smart.There’s guys out there who don’t work with blood who take far more chances than you.I’ve seen you looking at your hands.You’re obsessed with being safe.”I nod.Fight the urge to check my hands.“So don’t do this, okay? Go afternoons only if you want, but please, don’t go out and get some crap job you hate just ‘cause you’re scared for us.Hell, I get cut up more than you just playing sports
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]