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.“I'll show them to you.”“What are you two talking about?” Joss asked, looking bewildered.“Are we supposed to have nicknames?”This sent Sandra and Lorna into gales of laughter, and when they finally calmed down they told Helene and Joss that they'd been bidding against each other on eBay.Sandra tried to hand the specs over to Lorna, but Lorna wouldn't let her, and instead they decided to share custody of the specs and the Marc Jacobs boots.That set the tone for one of the most relaxed evenings they'd had together.It was funny—Helene had come into this looking for an escape; she'd never dreamed she'd end up with true friends.“Tell us about this guy you've gotten all slimmed down for,” Joss said to Sandra, digging into the Doritos and watching Sandra expectantly.“First, keep those things away from me.” Sandra smiled and shooed the bowl of Doritos away.“They're baked,” Lorna offered.“Really?” Sandra reached toward them, but stopped and drew her hand back.“I can't start.Three pieces of a sensible snack are fine.Thirty are another thing altogether.I'd go for the thirty.”“Me, too,” Helene said, though the truth was she'd always had a wobbly stomach that felt ill if she ate too much of anything.Some people were jealous of her seemingly effortless ability to stay slim, but it was hard work feeling sick half the time.And nerves just made it worse.Tonight she was a nervous wreck.“Go on, Sandra,” Helene said, forcing herself to sound and act normal.“You're not distracting us with Dorito talk.Tell us about the guy.”“Okay.” Sandra blushed prettily, though the contrast with her green hair made it a little less attractive.“I've actually known him since high school.We were both the fat kids.No one ever gave either one of us a second thought, I'm guessing.But they'd be stunned to see Mike today.”“That's his name? Mike?” Joss asked.Sandra nodded.“Mike Lemmington.” She blushed again.The girl obviously had it bad if just the thought of the guy, or saying his name, made her blush like that.“He is unbelievably good-looking.I mean, seriously, like a male model.”“I can vouch for that,” Lorna said, smiling at the obviously proud Sandra.But something about the smile looked like…pity? “I saw him at Jico.Very good-looking.And he's nice, too.”“That's the best part.He's sweet and sensitive, and we just talk and laugh for hours.” She gave the “okay” sign.“Totally in touch with his sensitive side.”“Are you sure he's not, maybe, a little too in touch with his feminine side?” Lorna suggested carefully.It was clear to Helene she'd picked up on a vibe that Sandra had missed.“What do you mean?” Sandra asked, looking sincerely puzzled.“Oh, nothing, really.” Lorna was struggling.“I just dated this guy once who seemed perfect.You know, sensitive, great-looking, the whole nine yards.But it turned out he was gay.”“Oh my God!” Sandra looked shocked.“How awful for you.”“It was.It really was.And the thing is, I missed all the signs.Really obvious signs.”“I don't want to sound like too much of a rube, but if he was gay, why was he dating you?” Joss asked.Lorna shrugged.“I guess he wanted a beard.”Joss's mouth dropped open.“A—?”“A cover-up,” Helene explained.“A woman to date so people thought he dated women.”“Ooooooh.” Joss nodded.“I get it.Yikes, that must have been upsetting.”“It was,” Lorna said pointedly.“I just wish I'd figured it out sooner.” She met Helene's eyes.Helene made sure no one was looking and mouthed the words Is Mike gay?Lorna grimaced and nodded.Helene's heart sank.Poor Sandra.Here she was, head over heels for the guy, probably thinking she'd finally met Mr.Right, and she was headed for heartbreak.“I can't even imagine what that must have felt like, Lorna,” Sandra said.“Truthfully, if I hadn't known Mike for so long, I'd worry about the same thing.”“Did he date a lot of girls in high school?” Helene asked.“No, but only because he was fat.Or, as he would put it, weight challenged.Girls in our high school didn't pay any attention to guys who weren't either hot or rich, since most of the guys there were, so he was lost in the shuffle.”“At least you found him now,” Joss said.“Does he have any available friends?”Sandra shook her head.“As far as I can tell, most of his friends are women.That drives me nuts.”“Ew, it would drive me nuts, too,” Joss agreed.“I prefer a guy who's a loner.You know, the dark, brooding type.”“That's asking for trouble,” Helene said, thinking of her own dark, brooding husband.But her marriage was a dark corner of her psyche that she didn't want to examine too closely right now.“Trust me, there's a lot to be said for the bland accountant who drives a sensible car and remembers your birthday.”“Amen,” Lorna agreed.“That's who my sister married,” Sandra said.“Well, he's a banker.And his car isn't sensible so much as it's German.But he's bland.”“That's what counts.And it's a good thing, too, because your sister's pregnant, right?”Sandra nodded.“Oh! And remember how I found out she was adopted?”“Yes.”“Well, it turns out she'd often play the `you don't love me as much as Sandra because I'm adopted' card on our parents.”“She told you that?” Lorna asked.Sandra reached for the Doritos and nodded.“She admitted it.” She crunched into a chip and nodded.“She was totally honest.”“Did that piss you off?” Lorna asked.“No way
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