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.They vary from different forms of mutual aid or reciprocal satisfaction of desires (which may be quite sound if called by their right names), through the various business forms of personal relationships to clear parasitical masochism.It not infrequently happens that two persons, feeling solitary and empty by themselves, relate to each other in a kind of unspoken bargain to keep each other from suffering loneliness.(Rollo May)ÒThe tragic issue is the issue of seeing the reality and the truth about oneself.ÓFor those who get distracted easily, it is better to keep their mind busy noting one thing after another; for those who are calm and mindful, they can just watch whatever comes naturally.ÒWhen you are thwarted, it is your own attitude that is out of order.Ó (Meister Eckhart)If you have nothing to live for it means you value nothing in life, you have no centre.All the ideals you valued were borrowed.In a time like right now, you have no firm ground to stand on.ÒÉ one can never apply some centre from the outside.ÓÒDifficult as the task is, we must accept ourselves and our society where we are, and find our ethical centre through a deeper understanding of ourselves as well as through a courageous confronting of our historical situation.ÓÒAnd the most constructive place to begin learning how to love is to see how we fail to love.Ó (Rollo May)To forgive is to understand.To forgive is to be free.When you cannot forgive somebody you are in bondage.When you see anatt who is there to forgive.(Sayadaw U Jotika)Here are a few extracts which I find very thought-provoking: ÒNow it is a well-known psychological tendency that when we repress one attitude or emotion, we often counterbalance it by acting or assuming an attitude on the surface which is just the opposite.You may, for example, often find yourself acting especially politely toward the person you dislike.ÓÒFurthermore, if we do not confront our hatred and resentment openly they will tend sooner or later to turn into the one effect which never does anyone any good, namely self pity.Self-pity is the preserved form of hatred and resentment.ÓÒÉ no one can arrive at real love or morality or freedom until he has frankly confronted and worked through his resentment.ÓÒFreedom is not rebellion.ÓÒFreedom means openness, a readiness to grow; it means being flexible, ready to change for the sake of greater human values.ÓÒÉ man always live in a social world, and that world conditions his psychological health.ÓÒThe good society is, thus, the one which give the greatest freedom to its people Ñ freedom defined not negatively and defensively, but positively, as the opportunity to realise ever greater human values.ÓÒFreedom is manÕs capacity to take a hand in his own development.It is our capacity to mould ourselves.ÓÒÉ the less self-awareness a person has, the more he is unfree.ÓÒAs the person gains more consciousness of self, his range of choice and his freedom proportionately increase.ÓÒFreedom is shown in according oneÕs life with realities.ÓÒIt is doubtful whether anyone really achieves health who does not responsibly choose to be healthy.ÓÒThus freedom is not just the matter of saying ÔYesÕ or ÔNoÕ to a specific decision: it is the power to mould and create ourselves.ÓÒFreedom does not mean trying to live in isolation.It does mean that when one is able to confront his isolation, he is able consciously to choose to act with some responsibility, in the structure of his relations with the world, especially the world of other persons around him.ÓÒThe basic step in achieving inward freedom is Ôchoosing oneÕs selfÕ.This strange sounding phrase of KierkegaardÕs means to affirm oneÕs responsibility for oneÕs self and oneÕs existenceÉ accepting the fact that one must make his basic choices himself.ÒThe mark of the mature man is that his living is integrated around self-chosen goals: he knows what he wantsÉÒÉ the beliefs and traditions handed down in the society tend to become crystallised into dead forms which suppress individual vitality.ÒThe real problem, thus, is to distinguish what is healthy in ethics and religion, and yields a security which increases rather than decreases personal worth, responsibility and freedom.The person in our day, therefore, who seeks values around which he can integrate his living, needs to face the fact that there is no easy and simple way out.ÓÒÉ more accurately, is it not the conflict between every human beingÕs need to struggle toward enlarged self awareness, maturity, freedom and responsibility, and his tendency to remain a child and cling to the protection of parents or parental substitute?Ó (The message is: Grow up!)ÒDoes a given individualÕs religion serve to break his will, keep him at an infantile level of development, and enable him to avoid the anxiety of freedom and personal responsibility? Or does it serve him as a basis of meaning which affirms his dignity and worth, which gives him a basis for courageous acceptance of his limitations and normal anxiety, but which aids him develop his powers, his responsibility and his capacity to love his fellow men?Ó (Rollo May) ÒThe problem of being prey to someone elseÕs power is reinforced, of course, by oneÕs own infantile desire to be taken care of.ÓÒThey have been taught that happiness and success would follow their Ôbeing goodÕ, the latter generally interpreted as being obedient.But being merely obedient, as we have shown above, undermines the development of an individualÕs ethical awareness and inner strength.By being obedient to external require-ments over a long period of time, he loses his real powers of ethical, responsible choice.Strange as it sounds, then, the powers of these people to achieve good-ness and the joy which goes with it are diminished.ÓÒÉ the person who surrenders his ethical autonomy has relinquished to the same degree his power to attain virtue and happiness.No wonder he feels resentful.ÓÒThe neurotic uses of religion have one thing in common: they are devices by which the individual avoids having to face his loneliness and anxiety.ÓÒÉ the human being is in the depth of himself basically alone,É there is no recourse from the necessity of making oneÕs choice ultimately alone.ÓÒÉ despair and anxiety can never be worked through until one confronts them in their stark and full reality.ÓÒMaturity and eventual overcoming of loneliness are possible only as one courageously accepts his aloneness to begin with.ÓÒWhat anxiety makes me now wish to run to the wings of an authority, and what problem of my own am I trying to evade?ÓÒWe define religion as the assumption that life has meaning.ÓÒReligion is whatever the individual takes to be his ultimate concern.ÓÒÉ psychologically, religion is to be understood as a way of relating to oneÕs existence.ÓÒBut we do mean to emphasise that unless the individual himself can affirm the value; unless his own inner motive, his own ethical awareness, are made the starting place, no discussion of values will make much real difference.ÓÒLove demanded as a payment is not love at all.ÓÒWe receive love not in proportion to our demands or sacrifices or needs, but roughly in proportion to our own capacity to love.And our capacity to love depends, in turn, upon our prior capacity to be persons in our own right.ÓÒThe reason we do not see truth is that we do not have enough courage.ÓÒWhen one has been able to say ÔNoÕ to the need that he be Ôborne upÕ, when, in other words, he is able not to demand he be taken care of, when he has the courage to stand alone, he can then speak as one with authority
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