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.The sound of his voice echoed like a shot in the room. Get out, Daddy! As Taylor seemed to crumple into himself, Denise moved instinctively to his side, wrapping herarms around him as he rocked back and forth, his broken cries almost incoherent. Please, God.let me do it over.please.I ll jump.please, God.I ll do it this time.please let him come out. Denise hugged him with all her strength, her own tears falling unheeded onto his neck and backas she pressed her face into him.After a while she heard nothing but the beating of his heart, thecreak of the sofa as he rocked himself into a rhythmic trance, and the words he kept whisperingover and over- I didn t mean to kill him. Chapter 28Denise held Taylor until he finally fell silent, spent and exhausted.Then she released him andwent to the kitchen, returning a moment later with a can of beer, something she d splurged onwhen she d bought her car.She didn t know what else to do, nor did she have any idea what to say.She d heard terriblethings in her life, but nothing like this.Taylor looked up from the couch as she handed him thebeer; with an almost deadened expression, he opened the beer and took a drink, then lowered itto his lap, both hands wrapped around the can.She reached over, resting her hand on his leg, and he took hold of it. Are you okay? she asked. No, he answered earnestly, but then maybe I never was. She squeezed his hand. Probably not, she agreed.He smiled wanly.They sat in silence for a few moments before shespoke again. Why tonight, Taylor? Though she could have tried to talk him out of the guilt he still felt, sheknew intuitively that now wasn t the time.Neither of them was ready to face those demons.He absently rotated the can in his hands. I ve been thinking about Mitch ever since he died,and with Melissa moving away.I don t know.I felt like it was starting to eat me alive. It always was, Taylor. Why me, then? Why not someone else? He didn t answer right away, but when he glanced up at her, his blue eyes registered nothingbut regret. Because, he said with unmistakable sincerity, I care about you more than I ever cared aboutanyone. At his words, her breath caught in her throat.When she didn t speak, Taylor reluctantlywithdrew his hand the same way he once had at the carnival. You have every right not to believe me, he admitted. I probably wouldn t, given the way Iacted.I m sorry for that-for everything.I was wrong. He paused.With his thumbnail, he flickedthe tab on the can in his hands. I wish I could explain why I did the things I did, but I honestlydon t know.I ve been lying to myself for so long that I m not even sure I d know the truth if Isaw it.All I know for sure is that I screwed up the best thing I ve ever had in my life. Yeah, you did, she agreed, prompting a nervous laugh from Taylor. I guess a second chance is out of the question, huh? Denise was silent, suddenly aware that at some point this evening, her anger toward Taylor haddissipated.The pain was still there, though, and so was the fear of what might come.In someways she felt the same anxiety she d felt when she was getting to know him for the first time.And in a way, she knew she was. You used that one a month ago, she said calmly. You re probably somewhere in the twentiesby now. He heard an unexpected glimmer of encouragement in her tone and looked up at her, his hopebarely disguised. That bad? Worse, she said, smiling. If I were the queen, I probably would have had you beheaded. No hope, huh? Was there? That was what it all came down to, wasn t it?Denise hesitated.She could feel her stubborn resolve crumbling as his eyes held her gaze,speaking more eloquently than any words he might say.All at once she was flooded withmemories of all the kind things he d done for her and Kyle, reviving the feelings she had workedso hard to repress these past few weeks. I didn t exactly say that, she finally answered. But we can t just pick up where we left off.There s a lot we have to figure out first, and it isn t going to be easy. It took a moment for the words to sink in, and when he realized that the possibility was stillthere-faint though it was-Taylor felt a wave of sudden relief wash over him.He smiled brieflybefore setting the can on the table. I m sorry, Denise, he repeated earnestly. I m sorry for what I did to Kyle, too. She simply nodded and took his hand.For the next few hours they talked with a new openness.Taylor filled her in on the last fewweeks: his conversations with Melissa and what his mother had said; the argument he d had withMitch the night he d died.He spoke about how Mitch s death had resurrected the memories ofhis father s death and-despite everything-his lingering guilt about both deaths.He talked steadily as Denise listened, offering support as he needed it, occasionally askingquestions.It was nearly four in the morning when he rose to leave; Denise walked him to thedoor and watched him drive away.While putting on her pajamas, she reflected that she still didn t know where their relationshipwould go from here-talking about things didn t always translate into actions, she cautionedherself.It might mean nothing, it might mean everything.But she knew it wasn t simply up toher to give him another chance.As it had been from the beginning, it was-she thought as hereyelids drooped shut-still up to Taylor.The following afternoon he called to ask if it would be all right for him to stop by. I d like to apologize to Kyle, too, he said. And besides, I have something to show him. Still exhausted from the night before, she wanted time to mull things over.She needed that.Sodid he.But in the end she reluctantly consented, more for Kyle s sake than her own.She knewthat Kyle would be overjoyed to see him. As she hung up the phone, however, she wondered if she d done the right thing.Outside, theday was blustery; cool autumn weather had arrived in full force.The leaves were dazzling intheir color: reds, oranges, and yellows exploding on the branches, preparing for their finaldescent to the dew-covered grass.Soon the yard would be covered with faded remnants of thesummer.An hour later Taylor arrived
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