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.Stop it now, Kat.But the frightened girl inside made her keep her mouth shut, pressing her lipstogether, biting down against them, the way she would when she tried to avoidrousing Chris violent anger.It is too late.I ve done everything wrong.I don t want to be in charge.Frankis right& this has to be what s best for Eric&She followed Frank into a small room off the infirmary.It was bare except for asmall hospital cot.Frank laid Eric down and immediately began to cinch restrainingstraps around his wrists and ankles. What are you doing? Kat said, dismayed. No, Frank, come on It s to protect him, and us.You saw how violent he got.He hit you.What if hewakes up and decides to go after Jerica? Kat blinked at him. Eric wouldn t do that.He d never hurt Jerica. You don t know that, Kat, Frank told her grimly. You don t know him now.He s in pain and he s an addict he s not the man you knew.He s totally irrational. She fell silent, clutching her hands together, rubbing her fingers, pushing againsther knuckles. Please don t hurt him. Frank turned to her, and his brows lifted in pity. I m not going to hurt him. Hewalked over to her and pressed his hand gently against her cheek. I m a doctor,Kat.I want to help him.This is so hard for you.I know.But we re doing the rightthing.Please believe me.You can trust me. He stroked her hair. Let me give you a mild sedative.Something to calm yournerves and I ll finish up here.I ll take care of everything. No, she said. No, I m in charge, and I& It s okay.Let me take care of it. She nodded wordlessly, and let him lead her back into the infirmary.She watched him prepare the syringe. Roll your sleeve up, Kat, he told her.She did, fumbling with her cuff button. Now I want you to go straight to your room and relax. He waggled his fingerat her, feigning severity. What is it you told me earlier? That s what people dowhen they re exhausted when it feels like their whole goddamn world is crashing inon them.They fall asleep.And then when they wake up, they re better. Kat knew that if she slept for the next hundred years, she wouldn t wake up anybetter.But at least it would dull her pain away, and help her forget what she d done. Okay. Smile, Frank told her.She cracked a small grin that felt flat and insincere, but it seemed to appease him.She didn t even wince when he stuck her with the needle.***She found Jerica in the TV room.The little girl lay snuggled under a blanket onone of the couches, watching a movie on the enormous TV screen. Scoot over, Kat said, wriggling under the covers with her.Jerica slid her body over to make room.When Kat was situated, Jerica turnedonto her side and rested her head just above her mother s left breast. Pup, I gotta talk to you for a sec. Kat kissed the top of Jerica s head.She puther arm around her daughter s narrow, delicate shoulders. You and Frank are going to keep Eric drugged up in the infirmary because ofhis leg, Jerica said without even looking away from the movie. I know.Franktalked to me about it earlier.He wanted to know if I thought it was a good idea ornot. Kat blinked, startled. What did you say? I said I thought it was.Otherwise, Eric d keep trying to pretend nothing waswrong.He d keep sneaking morphine.He needs to be off his leg, Mommy.It wasonly making things worse. Kat followed Jerica s steady, unflinching gaze.People were screaming on theTV, and things were exploding in great, fat fire balls. This is what s best for Eric. Jerica shifted slightly and snuggled closer to Kat. I think so, anyhow.So does Frank.So will you, you ll see. Kat was quiet.She closed her eyes and tried to think of how to go to sleep.Shewondered if she could hibernate, like a bear, and sleep for months. Chapter NineteenTwo days later, Kat had not budged from her bed.She stayed there all day andall night.Frank explained to Jerica that she was suffering from shock and exhaustion. She just needs some time, he told her, resting his palm against the cap of Jerica shead in a kind, somewhat fatherly gesture. This is all been very shocking to her. Jerica still found it unsettling and a bit creepy.Two nights after Eric had been sedated, Jerica peeked around the corner intoFrank s room.It was late, and he had snuggled her under her covers several hoursago.He had left the bathroom light on, and the door open slightly, as per herinstructions, but Jerica had been unable to sleep anyway.She d tiptoed down the corridor, hesitating outside of Frank s doorway.Shewas uncertain about turning to Frank for comfort.She d always gone to her mombefore, or Eric.She d almost gone down to sit in the infirmary with Eric.Shethought maybe she could draw some comfort simply from his presence, but in theend, the thought of the dark, cool, silent infirmary, and Eric laying there as still andquiet as a corpse was too creepy.He was sitting with his back to her at a small table.His shirt was off, drapedacross his chair.She sniffled quietly, and he glanced behind him, startled. Jerica,hey. He turned around in the seat to face her.He ran his hand through his hair, tryingto straighten it. What re you doing up? His voice was low and gentle.She shrugged uncertainly, pressed against the doorway. Come here, he said and he held his hand out to her.She shuffled over to him, twisting her fingers in her tousled yellow curls.Frank touched her shoulder and pushed her hair back. You okay, punkin ? Jerica nodded. You scared? A little, she said, and she was certain he would laugh at her.The little geniusscared of the dark.But Frank didn t laugh.He hoisted her onto his lap, put his arm around her narrow shoulders and drew her close. You don t have to be scared.Everything sgoing to be just fine. I don t want bad things to happen to my mommy, she whispered. Or Eric. Nothing will. He gave her a squeeze. I promise, El.I m going to take care ofyou. She closed her eyes and leaned against Frank s chest. Who s El? Huh? El.You ve called me that twice now.Once, down when the water tank busted,and just now. I& I m sorry, he said, and there was something very sad in his voice that madeher look up at him. It just slipped out. Who is she? Jerica asked, and she happened to catch a glimpse of the tabletopover his shoulder.Frank had spread the contents of his billfold out: small, battered wallet-croppedphotos.Pictures of a beautiful dark-haired woman, another of an Indian woman, andone of a little girl with black hair and bright, piercing blue eyes. Here. Frank moved, twisting at the waist and taking one of the photographs.He handed it to her, and she studied it for a long moment, running her fingertipsacross the worn, curling edges. Elaina.She s my daughter.She d be your age now.She was four there. Jerica looked at him, puzzled. She died, Frank told her. Two years ago.She was very sick, and there wasnothing anyone could do for her. She was very beautiful. Jerica could plainly see the look of stunned, raw painin his face.His eyes were distant, staring at the tiled floor. Sometimes I think she was the whole world, Frank said. I loved her so much.It felt like someone had just& cut my heart out. I m sorry, Frank. Frank shook his head slightly as if emerging from a reverie and smiled. No, don t be silly, Jerica.It s nothing for you to be sorry for. Is this your wife? Jerica asked, pointing to the woman in the other picture.Frank nodded. Yes.That s Lauren.We re divorced now.Do you know whatthat means? Yes.My mommy and daddy got divorced a long time ago. Frank smiled. Well, anyway, that s how I ended up doing this.Deep spacetravel
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